First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
