Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
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I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
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How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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