Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS