I chose taco bell over sex...
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.