Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize