Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
