at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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