Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.

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(480): View more from Arizona

You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone

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(231): View more from Michigan

i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.

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27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(318): View more from Louisiana

my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs

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(253): View more from Washington

There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting

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(520): View more from Arizona

My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.

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