She is in my trunk
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
