Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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