drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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