She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
