Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my phone needs a breathalizer
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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