Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
You're like the curious george of whores
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
