Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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