I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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