So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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