I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
