Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
