woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
