And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
