In the future we'll all be gay
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
