Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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