I faked an abortion last night.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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