I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
