I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
There's always time for handjobs
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
