Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
He better not be in your backpack
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
