Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize