Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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