After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
