im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
