"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
