Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
