i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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