smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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