He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
