So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
