She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
You can't just leave with hair like that
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
