If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
