Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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