I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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