thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
