i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
