i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
