How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
