Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
