He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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