I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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