You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
