that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
