I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Randomize
