Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
