Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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