I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
