just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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