I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
