If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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