Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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