Can i not drive my cunt home
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
