I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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