I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
