Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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