He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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