I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
