Non-Jews are for practice
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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