I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
