I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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