I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
