I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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