I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
