what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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