i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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