he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
