there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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