im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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