Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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