My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I have post one night stand depression
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
