Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Drake has all the answers
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
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