Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
