So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
