Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Sober January is a disaster.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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