The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
