my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
whose parrot is this?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
