Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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